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The First Step When Divorce is Here

Your spouse has told you that divorce is coming. Or, you have decided to turn the page in your life and get divorced. What should be your first step? Is there a correct first step? Let's dive into the number one question that I am asked.


As any reader of our blog knows, you must be intentional about what you do before starting the divorce process. Just "going with the flow" or doing what your friend John did in his divorce is unacceptable. Going through a divorce can be a very difficult process, but you hopefully will only do this once. Ensuring that you do everything in your power to start the process the way best suited for the goals you have is paramount.


Hiring an attorney and filing something with the court is the wrong way to go for ninety-five percent of you. Let me say that again, do not just go and hire an attorney. Do not misunderstand; there are circumstances where getting an attorney and the court involved from the onset is required. Here is a list of circumstances where you should run, not walk, to an attorney:

  1. Your wife is withholding the children from you.

  2. Your wife supervises the children when they are with you.

  3. Your wife has threatened to call the police and have you removed from the house.

  4. Your wife is maxing out credit cards or substantially changing how she spends marital money.

However, if you do not fit into those categories or another serious one, you should just take a deep breath. Speed is not necessary when it comes to divorce. Rather you need diligence. Slow and steady wins the race.


Now that I have told you what not to do, you probably are wondering what you should do. You need to prepare for divorce. As we discuss in our bootcamp, this involves organizing your finances, protecting your parenting rights, ensuring your freedom is secure, and start writing the next chapter of your life always to have something to look forward to. You can do all this preparation independently, but it is best to have a coach help you ensure it is all done comprehensively and correctly.


At the same time, you should hire a therapist. Getting your emotions under control is very important. You want to be clear-headed about divorce. Do not let your frustration or anger about the process or your wife interfere with getting through this divorce as inexpensively as possible while getting a good result. Seeking a mental health professional to help you is not a sign of weakness but rather one of immense strength of character.


Once you have prepared and planned for divorce, you must pick a divorce process and get some legal advice. As you know from my podcasts and blogs, mediation is always the best place to start.


But, you need to start with divorce preparation. That is where you will win or lose your entire divorce.


Want help with your preparation? Join our Bootcamp or apply to work with us on a one-on-one basis. Don't spend thousands on attorneys when some preparation work can go a long way toward making your divorce significantly better.


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