You found out your wife wants a divorce. How should you react? Should you be upset and hide in your basement? Should you pretend it is not happening? Do you go and hire an attorney?
You made the decision that you want a divorce. You have been thinking about it, but you finally decided that it is the best thing for you and your family. Do you tell your wife? Do you act differently? Do you immediately file for divorce?
These are all crucial questions that will impact the rest of your life. They are also fundamental questions that will help you determine the path of your divorce. Preparing for divorce is unquestionably the core of answering these questions. You should not take any steps or refuse to do anything unless and until you consider how to prepare for divorce. Divorce preparation is the foundation of ensuring you get a better outcome in divorce and set yourself, and your family, up for long term success.
What are the Four Pillars of Divorce Preparation?
In looking at divorce preparation, you need to understand that there are four distinct areas that you need to pay attention to in your efforts. Are there more than four areas? Of course! However, you must start somewhere to ensure you get your mind around what you need to do to be successful. This is a starting place for divorce planning, not the ending place.
The first area is your money. Learning how to protect more of your wealth is a fundamental principle of successful divorce preparation. There are minefields everything when you start the divorce process, from counsel fees to alimony to division of assets. There are specific things that you can do to learn how to set yourself up for success. While there is no way to avoid giving your wife anything, there are ways to minimize the financial impact on you.
The second area is your children. These days, more fathers are getting equal custody of their children. We learn in a time where there are few stay-at-home parents, and both parents are heavily involved in their children’s lives. When it comes to parental involvement and your parenting schedule, you have to learn to mold the facts in a way that benefits you and, more importantly, your children.
The third area is freedom. When people start a divorce, we see far too many bogus domestic violence allegations. When your wife wants you out of the house, one of the easiest ways to proceed is to get a restraining order or order of protection against you. Learn how to protect yourself!
The fourth and final area is your sanity. Divorce can drive the sanest man among us crazy. It is a grueling and emotional process, regardless of how easy or hard receiving an ultimate settlement is. Your wife will cause you stress. Your children will cause you stress. Your job will cause you stress. Your friends and family will cause you stress. Understanding how to keep your head on tight before you start divorce will go a long way to helping you through the process and coming out the other side in one piece.
Protecting Your Money
Figuring out how to get through a divorce without becoming a broke man is a goal of many men. You are working hard. It is hard to imagine you can go through a divorce and end up with so little in the bank and so much of your paycheck heading out the door. Understanding how to prepare for divorce to help avoid the worst of these consequences is one of the pillars of divorce planning and preparation.
In our exclusive online course, Divorce Preparation Bootcamp, we teach men how to structure their income, the budget, and their living situation in such a way to help minimize the impact of divorce on their bottom line. We also stress how you need to encourage your wife to adjust her income and spending in the pre-divorce period. All of this can play a huge role in how you make out at the end of the divorce.
As with all the parts of divorce preparation, you have to understand when divorce is imminent to have time to implement the method we teach. Ideally, to do things to change your financial reality in a divorce materially, you need a few months of effort. Be sure you are watching for the signs that divorce may be on the horizon so that you can start preparing immediately. Unsure when divorce is coming? Listen to this podcast episode on how you know when it is time to divorce.
Protect Your Children
For most of us, our children are the most crucial thing in our life. When divorce comes, a family is being torn apart. The last thing any of us want to do is negatively impact our children. It is so vital that you take steps to protect your children before the divorce process begins.
There are so many tangible things you need to do during your preparation period. There are things you may have been doing but should do differently or better. There are likely many things you have not been doing. If you want equal time with your children, you need to make the changes to your life to get there. Men do not just get equal custody of their children because they want it. Custody is determined based upon the best interest of the children. In other words, what is best for them (not you).
In Divorce Preparation Bootcamp, we show men, step-by-step, how to improve their standing with the children. We help put men in a position that they have the facts to argue that they should have the custody arrangement that they want and which is best for their children. It takes hard work and dedication, but protecting your children is worth it!
Protect Your Freedom
When you go through a divorce, you will be at one of the low points of your life. Can it go lower? Yes. If you find yourself battling a bogus domestic violence allegation, your period of despair can turn into a disaster, complete with sleeping arrangements in a local jail. There is a way to protect your freedom.
When you start preparing for divorce, you need to learn to document everything and take proactive steps to collect potential evidence. Protecting your freedom is all about keeping your eyes open to what is going on around you and ensuring that getting the right kind of evidence. In Divorce Preparation Academy, we take men through five areas to pay heed to ensure their freedom is protected. There is a way to make sure you will be okay.
Protect Your Sanity
A frequently overlooked area of divorce planning or preparation is protecting your sanity. As men, we typically put our family before us. Many men do not take care of their bodies, going years between doctor visits, and ignoring physical signs of problems. Even more, many men do not pay any attention to their mental health. Failure to take care of your mind is a leading reason you have all kinds of issues, including those with relationships, jobs, and parenting.
When you start preparing for divorce, you have to give yourself a long look in the mirror. Are you depressed? Do you have friends to lean on? Are you happy with yourself? How do you feel about your body? Do you like yourself? It does no good to do all of the things we teach in the Divorce Preparation Bootcamp if you do not take care of yourself. This is why protecting your sanity is our fourth pillar of divorce planning.
There are specific things you need to do to address your sanity. There are people to talk to, people to avoid, and things you need to do. Keeping an eye on your sanity will ensure that you can get through the divorce process and not let your emotions dictate the result that you want. Even more critical, by protecting your sanity, you will find your purpose and allow yourself to start the next chapter in your life.
Putting It All Together
In going through the four areas of divorce preparation, you can probably see there is much to learn. It is not hard! You just need a positive attitude and need to be ready to put in the work. Divorce does not have to mean the end of your life. It does not have to mean that your children see you on the weekends. It does not mean that you have to sacrifice your freedom.
If you are serious about creating an environment where you can get a better outcome, it starts with serious divorce preparation. That is what we do. We help men prepare for divorce so that they do not get screwed. If you want us to help you, check out Divorce Planning Bootcamp. If you need more help, we can work with you one-on-one. A divorce coach can be a great addition to your divorce planning that can save you so much money, time, emotions, and energy when you start the legal divorce process.